The Legend of Elora: Uprising (A Spyro RPG)

Kjakings · Mar 18, 2009 7:09 PM

This seems more like an FF than an RP, maybe you want to ask for it to be changed sections?

There are several things wrong with that, if you don't mind me saying so.

First off, I recommend you get a spell-check to check your spelling and grammar, try typing it out in Microsoft Word beforehand.

Also, Elora is a faun, they don't have elemental powers and somehow I doubt that a snail rider that took down the purple dragon is going to simply be defeated by a faun.

You seem to be making Elora into what is known as a Mary-Sue: A character who is perfect/all powerful/totally perfect in every way, they're generally frowned upon.

Hunter and Ignitus' rolls were confusing, they appeared just magically out of nowhere to do what you need and then magically disappear, try to make them more clear and defined.

Also, try not to take lines specifically from the games, and it appears you stole the name from my RP, simply exchanging 'Spyro' for 'Elora', this probably isn't the case, but try checking.

EloraRocksCynderSucks · Mar 19, 2009 4:53 PM

Blaze the Dragon · Mar 19, 2009 7:16 PM

You could easily have used Emergence.

I have to agree with Kjakings however. Fauns in the games generally don't have any powers, aside from incredible wit.

You also made Spyro to be... weak. Being eaten and then trapped? A faun saving a dragon? Not very realistic, even as far as the Spyro games go.

Mary-Sue's are generally overhyped characters that are absolutely perfect, with pretty much no flaws. In the original Spyro games (AHT, SL) Spyro was overconfident. In TLoS, Spyro was somewhat naive. In your story, Elora has pretty much no flaws.

And when a character makes an entrance, it's usually believed that they'll have some established role.

Once again... it's still too similar. The same lines, and then a magical power appears? And as I said, Spyro isn't exactly defenseless.

To sum everything up... this story is a mockery of prose.

Kjakings · Mar 20, 2009 5:08 PM

#1 Mar 18, 2009 6:49 PM

The Legend of Elora: Uprising (A Spyro RPG)

#2 Mar 18, 2009 7:09 PM

Re: The Legend of Elora: Uprising (A Spyro RPG)

#3 Mar 19, 2009 4:53 PM

Re: The Legend of Elora: Uprising (A Spyro RPG)

#4 Mar 19, 2009 7:16 PM

Re: The Legend of Elora: Uprising (A Spyro RPG)

#5 Mar 20, 2009 5:08 PM

Re: The Legend of Elora: Uprising (A Spyro RPG)

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