I'm at it again

CuttingEdge · Apr 03, 2016 2:42 PM

Since I'm back, it's about right to post another bit of my lament turned into words.

Not settled on the title yet. This is a male/female duet song.

This is what I've got so far:

Male:
When the rain falls
In my heart,
I look up above,
I see the face of an angel;
Shedding tears on what's left of my fragile feelings

Female:
When the rain falls
In my heart,
I look down below,
I see the drowning image,
Of what I used to feel for you, long before the day...

Male & Female:

And now that I realized, that
Tears are not enough to fill
The hole that you left in my
Heart, when you abandoned me...

And now that I realized, that
I'm knee-deep in sorrow, I
Oh, I wish I didn't let you go!

I guess we all make mistakes...

Honest criticism plz.

thetruefan · Apr 03, 2016 7:12 PM

CuttingEdge wrote:

I guess we all make mistakes...

Should change that to a higher level phrase. ("I assume we all make mistakes...")

CuttingEdge · Apr 03, 2016 7:30 PM

Nah, it doesn't sustain its feel. Doesn't fit into the rest of the lyrics.

36IStillLikeSpyro36 · Apr 04, 2016 2:19 AM

the phrase "i guess" does seem pretty informal at first glance, but ultimately, i think it works. like you said, it helps with the "feeling" of the song.

#1 Apr 03, 2016 2:42 PM

I'm at it again

#2 Apr 03, 2016 7:12 PM

Re: I'm at it again

#3 Apr 03, 2016 7:30 PM

Re: I'm at it again

#4 Apr 04, 2016 2:19 AM

Re: I'm at it again

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