Poems

dragon protector x · Sep 09, 2007 2:58 AM

I just made this poem last night. Its a school project for L.A. I just want your thoughts on it. You can give me and A, B, C, D, or F. Just want your thoughts.

From the Beginning of Time. My Time.

For when you are born, time seems not matter.
While I grew, Time its-self seemed to slow down.
I took my time growing up, not bothering to look back.
When I could walk, I laughed at the past.
Look at that fool, who could only crawl and drool.
When I locked my mom outside, she hit the door trying to break in
I was clanging light bulbs together by then.

Into the unknown, in which I have been bestowed
In to the mysterious land I went, filled with giants and midgets.
Kinder Garden was a new place for me; I got to meet a girl named Hanna.
She brought me joy and friendship, for after that we were separated.
She was one year older then I, until she went to an unknown land with out any pie.
Soon I too would go to that place, full of frustration and not even a sign of her trace.

Exploring can be dangerous and thrilling, but in some places exploring gets you suspended
I finally went to a place that my dad worked, Columbine Hills Elementary
One day in my music class, the school locked down.
Fear and wonder sprung from our minds. What kind of danger caused this surprise?
The High School of Columbine is having a terrible crime.
My parents came and took me home; they said I couldnâ€™t even play out back.

Friends will stick by your side, especially until itâ€™s your time to die.
In middle school I meet new kids; Cameron and Josh, Zack and Me.
We were the out casts of our class. We were thrown to the side like trash.
We didnâ€™t get much respect, but as long as we stuck together
We would never be out matched.

Your interests grow the older you get, Time suddenly wants to speed up again.
Spyro the Dragon, Wizardry and Guild Wars; my interests grew and so did yours.
Here I am reaching the end of my story; you learned a great deal on how my life went.
I will rap this up, but my story will not end.
Only time will tell how long my legend will extend.
For now I will leave you this. Did I up to this point live life to the fullest?
Or do I have more to learn, while my time is pulling?

This took me about 1 hour to make. Just want your opions.

Spyro_Loves_Me · Sep 09, 2007 5:17 AM

Not bad. I like how it goes through your life. It actually makes people want to keep on reading it.
The poem itself was pretty good, but if you're going to turn it in, I'd look at all the little things. You might want to reread it a couple more times and focus on a different thing each time, like spelling, grammar, verb tenses, etc. Only saw a couple mistakes here and there on that.
Other than that, I think you'll have an easy A! smile

dragon protector x · Sep 09, 2007 5:45 PM

Thanks. I did go threw it a few times and found some spelling errors and fixed them.

Dragon Wannabe · Oct 28, 2007 3:06 PM

I didnt know you wrote poems! It was pretty good. So what grade did you get?

sleva10 · Oct 28, 2007 3:24 PM

Lets see:

I was your mind '
You were mine
I didn't mean you were mine,
I was yours
You didn't mean I was yours,
I'm myself
You didn't mean I was mine, you were
wrong
You're wrong
You feels wrong

( thats just silly but still... xD )
=3

There was once a small bunny,
far and wide his dreamland reached,
nor darkness neither foe could be sighted
as he leaped

But one day
in the bunnys land
The sun rose to high
'cause no light runs without the shadow.
A wheel in the wide.

The dreamland was thorn asunder
the fragments split in two,
doomed to live forever
with the shadow over his tomb

The bunny searched the ruins,
scattered though it was.
Searching for the one part,
the chaos was without

(the last one has a meaning, I'll leave the thinking to you)

#1 Sep 09, 2007 2:58 AM

Poems

#2 Sep 09, 2007 5:17 AM

Re: Poems

#3 Sep 09, 2007 5:45 PM

Re: Poems

#4 Oct 28, 2007 3:06 PM

Re: Poems

#5 Oct 28, 2007 3:24 PM

Re: Poems

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