Favorite Jokes

Swaffy · Feb 25, 2010 5:34 AM

Feel free to share with us your favorite joke[s].

- Please no "yo mama" jokes, racist jokes, or any jokes that could or would
offend anyone here. Please refrain from posting these types.

Nightfall · Feb 25, 2010 1:21 PM

I have one:

Three men were walking in the rainforest and they get captured by a tribe. They are taken to the chief, who says, "Go out into the forest and bring back 10 pieces of fruit." So off they go.

When they return, the first man has 10 bananas. The chief says, "If you can shove all 10 pieces of fruit up your butt without making a sound, I'll let you go. If you make a single sound I'll kill you." The man gets to the 3rd banana and starts screaming in agony. So they kill him.

The second man has 10 cherries. He gets to the ninth cherry and starts laughing hysterically. So they kill him.

At the gates of heaven, the first man says, "You only had cherries! How did you fail?!"

The second man says, "I saw Johnny coming with 10 pineapples!"

Ryo57 · Feb 25, 2010 4:31 PM

a guy walks into a bar and says "OW"

Swaffy · Feb 25, 2010 8:32 PM

Hahahah, I love 'em!
.'/

Nightfall · Feb 26, 2010 5:58 PM

Another one:

Two men were out hunting in the woods. Suddenly one of them falls over. He appears to be dead, as his eyes are rolled into his head and he isn't breathing.

The other man gets out his mobile phone and calls the emergency services. "My friend is dead!" He yelled. "What should I do?"

"Just stay calm." The operator said gently. "I can help. First, we need to make sure he's dead."

For a while there is silence. Then a gunshot is heard.

"OK," said the man, "Now what?"

Rurikredwolf · Feb 26, 2010 6:24 PM

I have two that I heard.

1.

A guy goes to the doctor and the doctor comes along. "Sir, I got bad news and worse news."

"What's the bad news?"

"You have 24 hours to live."

"...What's the worst news?"

"I forgot to call yesterday."

2.

What's the proper curtosy for when you shoot someone in the face?

BANG!

"MY BAD! That was on my bud!"

Swaffy · Feb 27, 2010 2:36 AM

My Pre Calculus teacher told our class this one.

"What is the difference between a snow man and a snow woman?

. . .

Snow balls."

Ryo57 · Feb 27, 2010 10:37 PM

Knock Knock
Whos There
Boo
Boo who
Dont Cry

Mr. John · Feb 27, 2010 11:44 PM

Good ones everyone makes me LOL!

Swaffy · Feb 28, 2010 2:03 AM

Ryo57 wrote:

Knock Knock
Whos There
Boo
Boo who
Dont Cry

Heheheh, I wish I could do that to those people who come to the door and
try to sell stuff.

SpyroGirl101 · Mar 01, 2010 11:02 PM

Most folks aren't offended by blonde jokes, but if you are, I'm forewarning you not to read.

▼Hidden text

LMBO!

Storywriter11 · Mar 01, 2010 11:28 PM

You cant ask me to choose, cuz I LOVE Jeff foxworthy, Bill Engvall and Mitch Hedburg!

PWN!

Nightfall · Mar 02, 2010 2:00 PM

SpyroGirl101 wrote:

Most folks aren't offended by blonde jokes, but if you are, I'm forewarning you not to read.
▼Hidden text
Okay, so there's a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead at the gates of heaven. God says, "Before you enter in, you must climb a staircase of 1000 stairs while I tell jokes and not laugh." The brunette and redhead both laugh early on in the test, so they don't get into heaven. While on her 999 step, the blonde starts laughing hysterically. "Why are you laughing now? You had just one more step," says God. The blonde replies, "I just got the first joke!"
LMBO!

ROFL! That was great! big_smile

Another one:

A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.

The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."

So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.

The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.

They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain."

They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.

On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.

There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."

DragonRaider · Mar 02, 2010 4:21 PM

not take this too personally.. tongue

what is the difference between you and a fish?
a fish only stinks when its is dead :*bleep*in:

s'pyromane · Mar 02, 2010 5:14 PM

Haha , good.
The problem is that I only got , umm...Problematic jokes mostly , to translate , or some who may offense.
A couple of blonde jokes ? Why not ...In spoiler , so if you don't like these jokes , you can avoid reading this.
They are well known enough I think , but in case you didn't hear them yet...

▼Hidden text

Sorry.

#1 Feb 25, 2010 5:34 AM

Favorite Jokes

#2 Feb 25, 2010 1:21 PM

Re: Favorite Jokes

#3 Feb 25, 2010 4:31 PM

Re: Favorite Jokes

#4 Feb 25, 2010 8:32 PM

Re: Favorite Jokes

#5 Feb 26, 2010 5:58 PM

Re: Favorite Jokes

#6 Feb 26, 2010 6:24 PM

Re: Favorite Jokes

#7 Feb 27, 2010 2:36 AM

Re: Favorite Jokes

#8 Feb 27, 2010 10:37 PM

Re: Favorite Jokes

#9 Feb 27, 2010 11:44 PM

Re: Favorite Jokes

#10 Feb 28, 2010 2:03 AM

Re: Favorite Jokes

#11 Mar 01, 2010 11:02 PM

Re: Favorite Jokes

#12 Mar 01, 2010 11:28 PM

Re: Favorite Jokes

#13 Mar 02, 2010 2:00 PM

Re: Favorite Jokes

#14 Mar 02, 2010 4:21 PM

Re: Favorite Jokes

#15 Mar 02, 2010 5:14 PM

Re: Favorite Jokes

Board footer