Clicheless writing?

~cornys~ · Jun 19, 2009 2:31 AM

Well I am the kind that gets really figity when I'm bored so I decided to start writing randomly... I kept writing different things and trying to define my writing but now I think I found everything I want in my story...

I won't give away any of the plot but the main idea of it is to tell a good story and not use many cliches.... I know it's impossable not to use some but I'm going to make an effort to keep it to the minimum... I'm not going to give anything away but I was wonering if this would be the place to post my writing as I wrote it for people to proofe read...

Let me know and have some feedback...

RedDragonX · Jun 19, 2009 2:39 AM

Well if you're looking for people to proofread and such why don't you just get yourself an editor or a Beta Reader to look at your stuff.

~cornys~ · Jun 19, 2009 2:51 AM

I was hoping that mabey som people on here would help me... Most people who would do that write themselves... I sort of wanted a reader only point of view to help me...

I guess I don't know exactly what a beta reader is but it's like an editor right?

RedDragonX · Jun 19, 2009 3:18 AM

In a way, they're other writers who offer their services to proof read and help those who need it. Basically an editor.

~cornys~ · Jun 19, 2009 3:29 AM

yeah... sort of what I thought... lol

LordCrump10 · Jun 19, 2009 4:54 PM

Cliché-less story, huh? Sounds interesting enough. Doesn't FF.net have some sort of "Beta Reader" feature. Maybe I should let Generic Guy know about that if I ever make another account. XD

Blaze the Dragon · Jun 19, 2009 11:56 PM

Clichés are impossible to avoid: a writer will end up using at least one. The key thing, though, is not to use too many, or readers will simply dismiss it.

LordCrump10 · Jun 20, 2009 8:22 PM

Well of course, everything has clichés in them. What separates the good from the mediocre is that the good authors can make the clichés blend into their story, so that they seem almost insignificant to the readers.

Lanara · Jun 22, 2009 2:45 AM

XD Clicheless? I think that is quite impossible, sir. But I would like to see a story that at least avoids it. C:

~cornys~ · Jun 22, 2009 3:59 AM

lol... at first I tried to do completely clicheless but eventually I just decied to put a new twist on old cliches.. like a man dying of cancer.... well he's still dying of cancer but now he is going to go and die of the world sort of ending of sorts.... lol... I'm going to try and post all of the Proluge and let you guys pick all of my failiures in avoiding them out... (It's Sci-fi bacasue it best fits my writing style)

Today the clouds hang just a little too low. The night has began. The ships are gone. Nobody is now on this old decaying planet. They have left days ago to seek out their destiny among the stars. In the mean while me and my old and decaying body is all that remains on the planet that had birthed our race. The only known intelligent race in all of the endless expanse that is existence.
This was something that we all knew was coming at one point or another for years and all had hoped that science was wrong. Hoped that it would not happen within that of our own lifetimes. After all, time and time again our forefathers had pondered their demise and saw no escape only to find themselves wrong. “What is so different about this generation?” We would ask ourselves as the day of reckoning closed in nearer. “Nothing” always would be the answer.

The Government of the restructured United States of America at first felt much like that of the rest of us and ignored the prophecies. However as the evidence mounted for the inevitable and conditions worsened they instigated a plan called Operation Deluge. At first it’s sole mission was to avoid civilian panic. Though it would not be as simple as that for very long.

At first the public bought the scam willingly. However they were soon brought into a disarray as private scientific communities and organizations such as The Free Atmospheric Monitoring Environmental Society (F.A.M.E.S.) published their findings on the effects of sunlight on our atmosphere.

Havoc broke out as news stations pod-casted the information all over the world. For one day humanity reverted to the days of old. Days before civilization. The United States was forced then to dissolve Operation Deluge into that of an emergency exit plan from the planet. Originally simply to restore peace. Later, as things further worsened it would be come apparent that the escape was a necessity.

Civilization was returned as positive news was pod-casted daily to people all over the world in place of all of the bad. Deluge disallowed any bad news from being put on air.

Years passed and conditions continued to deteriorate as space travelers were produced at assembly lines everywhere. Cars were produced sparingly and only at request. There were more important issues on everyone’s mind anyhow. Anything that got you there was going to have to do.

It was announced in March of 10,574 that all of the needed Space Travelers had been constructed for the twenty billion that resided on Earth. That only if conditions forced action they would set out for destination unknown. Probably, the government suggested, to a planet about 15 light years away, a 30 year trip. Right before they set out, about a month ago, they revealed for certain that all of mankind was to move off to a planet called Gliese 876 d. (for easier reference however they quickly renamed it “Domus”, Latin for “home”).

Weeks passed and the weather quickly worsened. Hurricanes in the 5th category spawned off daily as the light from the ever hotter sun evaporated water from the face of the earth at an unseen rate. All ready low ocean levels dropped steadily. Dark ominous clouds loomed every where yet rain was an anomaly. Wells dried up. Wide spread drought claimed the world.

It was June 17, 10574 when the evacuation notice was issued. An evacuation notice of the planet. All of those who resisted were told that their designated ship was not to depart until it was full. To not go would be to desert a full thousand man vessel leaving them to their death on this earth.

I reported. I didn’t dare prevent others from continuing their lives. Even if mine was all but over. A kindly Deluge official allowed me to remain of this the Earth. He gave me a few instructions as to what I was to do and then gave me the required tools. Then he set me back out into the desert. Miles upon miles of open sand all to myself. For that matter a whole planet to myself before it would be done with.

The night that they began their departure from their Utah based hanger, and many others around the world, I did not sleep. All through the night like a meteor shower in reverse they streamed out of sight never to be seen again. Each emitting a light blue shine behind them as they moved at one, one-hundredth the speed of light. Any molecules in their path being vaporized as they were pulled with the crafts. Over that and the next two nights all twenty million of them had departed from this Earth. Gone to find their destiny among the vast expanse of the universe.

Time has been but a whisper since that time. Light no longer breaches the ever thinning atmosphere I’m afraid. The only light is that of the constant lightning. Though the Sun still suns brighter than ever. Therein the which lies the problem.

Time that for so long has been nipping at our heels I now waste staring at the sky as it literally is eaten from above me. What is left quickly falling onto me. The sky falling. An old cliché actually coming true. Ironic.

I pull out my drinking bottle and take a small sip from the neigh empty container. A couple more days and I will be out. Or what I recall to be the length of a couple days. Time is still nipping at my heels too apparently.

I figure that it is time to leave the recording as I was asked. I reach into my trench coat pocket and pull out the recorder. A huge long-range transmitter the size of my thumb attached to the barely visible recorder looks ridiculous. How could something that big even work.

I reach back into my pocket and grab the remote. I push the button and a red light appears from the transmitter. Apparently it is on.
“Deluge? Deluge? Are you there Deluge?”

A pod-cast appears from the top of the transmitter. The man that had let me stay on Earth appeared along with the standard all white background to hide his actual back drop.

“I’m here” the man says. “What is the situation back there?”

“Not good,” I say weakly. The crippling lump of cancer that bridges my two lungs leaving me short of breath. “The atmosphere is, continuing to melt away and clasps.”

I angle the recorder towards the horizon as lightning lights up the barren landscape again and again. The clouds looming now far from the ground.

“It’s been like this for a while now. Since you left actually. The ceiling keeps getting lower and lower. It’s no more than one thousand feet from the ground by now. Any longer and I’ll be in the lower atmosphere. At that point I don’t know how long I will be able to survive.

“The Ozone Layer by now must be completely gone.” I continue. “The heat is sweltering despite the lack of light. I fear that as I speak Gamma Rays destroy my being. Sir, I don’t know how much longer I will be able to survive.”

“Just try to hang in there as long as your body allows you. I see that you have all ready lost most if not all of your hair so chances are that you only have about a day or two. I’ll keep active contact with you. I’ll ask you to give me status reports hourly.”
“Not a problem, Sir.”

“Good,” With that the man reaches down towards the recorder to turn it off.

“Sir!” I say quickly. He raises his head and looks at the his recorder
“How are things going out there as of now?”

“Smoothly, Mr. Garter, We cleared the Yoshimyer Belt a few days ago so we should be about 30,000 Astronomical units out and closing in on our full speed. We stopped after we had passed through the Kuiper Belt to check everything over and set our drivers into their open space programming. We set out from there about a week ago. Everything is going perfectly.”

“Thank you, Sir”

“Yes. Good night and good luck”

I nod and then watch as the hologram disappears back into the transmitter. “Well at least everybody else is ok” I think to nobody.
I put the transmitter and recorder back into my trench coat. As I do this though I ponder something else in there. A pod-corder. I pull it out.

“One last chance to leave my mark on our future.” I tell myself then click record.

#1 Jun 19, 2009 2:31 AM

Clicheless writing?

#2 Jun 19, 2009 2:39 AM

Re: Clicheless writing?

#3 Jun 19, 2009 2:51 AM

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#4 Jun 19, 2009 3:18 AM

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#5 Jun 19, 2009 3:29 AM

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#6 Jun 19, 2009 4:54 PM

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#7 Jun 19, 2009 11:56 PM

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#8 Jun 20, 2009 8:22 PM

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#9 Jun 22, 2009 2:45 AM

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#10 Jun 22, 2009 3:59 AM

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