Twilight (The truth)

prince-Dari · Feb 23, 2009 7:00 PM

Well, in this thread I'm going to post my theory (It is actually more reality, than theory) about Twilight. If any fangirls or boys come and post on my topic, there will be blood. Just like to say that first (It won't be my blood either). Well, I'll start by making a few statements. Edward Cullen sparkles in sunlight. Sparkliness attracts girls. Sparkley 'vampires' also like to hit the dance floor with girls. Well, the truth is that Edward Cullen is netiher vampire, nor human. He is actually...An arachnid. A jumping spider to be precise. Jumping spiders have excellent eyesight, does Edward Cullen? Check. Edward Cullen SPARKLEZ in sunlight, guess what, so do jumping spiders. They have UV-reflecting scales, which glow bright white in the sunlight. The spiders also do a mating dance of sorts, to court the female. Edward Cullen likes to take his girls down onto the dance floor. Where do you think jumping spiders get their names from? They can jump around 80 times the length of their own height. Unnatural abilities. Check. Jumping spiders are also known for their ability to read the minds of others, and use their unnatural beauty to control and monopolise humans. well maybe not the last part, but the rest is true. Edward Cullen IS a jumping spider, there's no denying it. So don't try it. Anyone else got any theories?

Edit: Oh, and a year later afterthought, jumping spiders have fangs, and suck the insides of their prey out...How I always manage to miss the obvious.

Stormy · Feb 23, 2009 7:35 PM

Thank you, prince-Dari, for making me laugh my head off in the middle of a quiet classroom, causing everyone to think I'm insane. XD

prince-Dari · Feb 23, 2009 7:40 PM

You're welcome. Insanity is good, you're right to thank me.

Erza · Feb 24, 2009 4:59 AM

lol. its true. i cant belive i havent noticed it before. thanks big_smile

cynderfire · Feb 24, 2009 7:40 PM

Wow, I can't believe Edward is a "Jumnping spider" LOL
How come he's a vampire if he's more like a jumping spider?

Stormy · Feb 24, 2009 7:59 PM

Because no fangirls want to read about disgusting spiders. (See poll option #2)

Spyro_fan55 · Feb 24, 2009 10:29 PM

Holy Crap! That is so true!
So... Edward is one ugly jumping spider. got it. wink

prince-Dari · Feb 25, 2009 6:41 PM

Jumping spiders aren't ugly. They sparkle. SPARKLE! AHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Although yes, he's ugly

Paranoia · Feb 25, 2009 9:18 PM

I agree. How can anyone refute it with all that evidence?

(Anyone notice Kjakings was the one to vote for "n0 mah WUNDRAFLU EDWARD AINT NUU UGLEH SPIDAH, HOW DAREZ U!!!11!oneoneoneone" ) =P

freak6 · Feb 26, 2009 8:44 AM

hahahaha thats so funny you are so right he is 99% a jumping spider lol hahahaha have to pass the word around.

yes i do agree he is very ugly and i am a girl

Taco Godess · Feb 26, 2009 3:24 PM

Edward isn't good enough to be a jumping spider. Jumping spiders are adorable.

Kjakings · Feb 26, 2009 4:27 PM

PARANOiA wrote:

I agree. How can anyone refute it with all that evidence?
(Anyone notice Kjakings was the one to vote for "n0 mah WUNDRAFLU EDWARD AINT NUU UGLEH SPIDAH, HOW DAREZ U!!!11!oneoneoneone" ) =P

For the lulz, as I already stated to dari.

Does NO-ONE listen?!

I mean, if the Frauderator doesn't listen anymore, who CAN you trust to listen?

Aicebo · Feb 26, 2009 5:52 PM

freak6 wrote:

hahahaha thats so funny you are so right he is 99% a jumping spider lol hahahaha have to pass the word around.
yes i do agree he is very ugly and i am a girl

I don't know why stating your gender really makes a difference...

Kjakings: LOLOLOLOL.

Erza · Feb 27, 2009 5:01 AM

she stated her gender because like every girl 'loves' edward. well nearly every girl.

Aicebo · Feb 27, 2009 5:04 AM

The New age of Cynder wrote:

she stated her gender because like every girl 'loves' edward. well nearly every girl.

I don't.
Do you mean every str*ight and cliche-loving girl, then?

Taco Godess · Feb 27, 2009 5:07 AM

One fourth grader in my school wore a "Team Edward" shirt to lunch...

...I sat at the same table as her and started telling my friends about how much I hated Twilight. Very loudly. (a couple of fourth grade classes eat with the sixth graders now)

Erza · Feb 27, 2009 5:12 AM

Aicebo wrote:

I don't.
Do you mean every str*ight and cliche-loving girl, then?

yer probably.

Taco: lol. wouldv'e done the same thing ;]

Spyro YoTd · Feb 27, 2009 10:09 AM

Lol i had no choice i knew he wasen't a jumping spider hes a Vampire and the other one is kind of g.y so i didn't go into this thread lol i have watched Twilight with my friends its a really good movie vampires drink on blood because there cold blooded not like i would no (if you where thinking lol) so i really don't no where you got a jumping spider from bit random if you ask me

prince-Dari · Mar 01, 2009 1:39 AM

"Age: 19", I'm going to be the one that claims BS on that. There is not proof he is a vampire, there is plenty of proof that he is a jumping spider.

~cornys~ · Mar 06, 2009 2:53 AM

I like jumping..... s-p-i-d-e-r-s.. Oooo y-e-a-h-h-h-h-h.... I love you jumping spider... I LOVE YOU!!! lol j/k

This makes the plot line sound all that much dumber though (I've never read it before.... just read a small summery off of wikipedia)

Instead of:
A girl falls in love with a vampire and suck out all of her blood. (Like it should happen)

It would be:
A girl falls in love with a jumping spider and it bites her to death. (Like it should happen)

Cool I like the second one better. Now that I know that he's a spider I have to read it. Sounds exciting!!!
(I love taking love things out of context as about women or men and replacing retarded things... Like I replace the women in love songs with weed. It's cool.... "I'm so addicted to..." lol

RedDragonX · Mar 06, 2009 3:06 AM

Not only did the movie burn my eyes....but all the stupid crap that has already been mentioned really encourages me to make a long road trip to Hollywood so I can perform some nice shadow tactics.

Red-n-Aqua · Mar 06, 2009 3:11 AM

Edward is just a big, sparkling dork. 'Nough said. tongue I don't like Twilight, even though my mom got me the book for Christmas. I've read since chapter 11, and I let my friend borrow the book. "Sure, go right ahead!" I said.

Edward really isn't all that great. Just a dude whose really weird. Robert Patterson isn't that great, either.

Taco Godess · Mar 07, 2009 12:27 AM

Remember, girls, it's okay to have an unhealthy relationship as long as your boyfriend

• Is ostentatious
• Drives a fast car
• Is wealthy
• Stalks you
• Abuses you (but only because he cares!)
• Sparkles in the sunlight
• Is a vampire
• Is so perfect that not even 300 references to his beauty are enough

RedDragonX · Mar 07, 2009 2:43 AM

Taco Godess wrote:

Remember, girls, it's okay to have an unhealthy relationship as long as your boyfriend
• Is ostentatious
• Drives a fast car
• Is wealthy
• Stalks you
• Abuses you (but only because he cares!)
• Sparkles in the sunlight
• Is a vampire
• Is so perfect that not even 300 references to his beauty are enough

Haha....you just made my night lol...it's a good thing you will never meet my ex-girlfriend.

Spyro_fan55 · Mar 07, 2009 3:27 AM

Taco Godess wrote:

One fourth grader in my school wore a "Team Edward" shirt to lunch...
...I sat at the same table as her and started telling my friends about how much I hated Twilight. Very loudly. (a couple of fourth grade classes eat with the sixth graders now)

Haha I used to do that when I sat at my other friends table. They were so obsessed with Edward and Twilight and I would just be like, "Twilight's gay!"

(To the ppl who think that since I said gay as anotehr thing... I mean stupid.)

Then all my friends would get mad at me but i didnt care. I hate the books.
The sad thing is my mom's read all the books and she pre-ordered the movie. So whenever it comes in, she said that we would have an All Twilight Movie night. That's pure torture!

With the books, I started reading it, but I stopped at chapter 6 because it was so stupid.

And not all girls think Twilight is the most amazingest book ever.

#1 Feb 23, 2009 7:00 PM

Twilight (The truth)

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