Funny Jokes!Keep 'em comin'!

Ember · May 20, 2007 11:04 AM

heres one:
a man is drowning he says 'god will save me' a big boat comes and says 'need help' man says 'no, god will save me' another boat comes and says 'want some help' the man says 'no, god will save me' the man drowns and says to god 'god why didnt u save me?' and god replies 'are u stupid? i sent 2 big boats to save u!'

ontels · May 20, 2007 1:47 PM

thats pretty good here one=
there are three peopul sitting in jail one smart person one normal person and one dumb person a faire comes along and said I will grant you all one wish the smart person said I wish I was home so he apears at home the normal person said I wish that too so he was home and the dumb person said Im lonely bring those two back

Ember · May 21, 2007 4:06 PM

pretty good keep them comin people

SpyroGirl101 · May 21, 2007 9:44 PM

Here's one:
There where three sky divers about ready to jump out of a plane. Each threw something down to Earth to remember them by if they didn't make it. One threw a ball, one threw a closed pocket knife, and one threw a bomb. They all made it and they saw a little boy crying and asked, "Little boy, why are you crying?" He said "A ball came down and hit me on the head!"Then they saw a little girl crying and asked,"Little girl, why are you crying?" She said,"A knife came down and hit me on the head!" Then they saw a little boy laughing and asked,"Little boy why are you laughing?" He said, "I farted and my house blew up!"

mirror_lion · May 21, 2007 11:10 PM

I've heard of all of those, hears a good one/Dumb blonde joke
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There was a red,brenet, and a blonde.They walked up to this magic mirror and it said "if you lie to me i will suck U in my glass". The red goes up to it and says "I think im the most beutiful girl in the world". The mirror sucked her in. The brenet goes up to it and says the same thing the mirror sucked her in too.the blonde goes up to it and says "I think" and the mirror sucked her in.

SpyroGirl101 · May 22, 2007 12:11 AM

Here's a funny blonde joke:
I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow me to take a leave. I thought that maybe if I acted "CRAZY"
then he would tell me to take a few days off. So I hung upside down from
the ceiling and made funny noises.
My coworker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing. I told her that
I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss would think I
was CRAZY" and give me a few days off.A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked "What are you
doing?" I told him I was a light bulb. He said "You are clearly
stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days." I jumped
down and walked out of the office. When my coworker (the blonde)
followed me, the Boss said to her, "And where do you think you're
going?"
(You're gonna love this...)
She said, "I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark!"

mirror_lion · May 22, 2007 2:45 PM

LOL,i like that one

mirror_lion · May 22, 2007 3:21 PM

here are some more/ ALL DUMB BLONDE JOKES/
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1.One day this blonde is riding a horse. As they are trotting along the blond decides she wants to go faster and do some tricks so she starts turning the horse around in a circle. All of a sudden she starts to slip so she grabs the horses mane. But even though she has hold of the mane she was still slipping. so she decided the best thing to do was to not fall off by putting her foot in the saddle. So she's riding along hanging from her foot, with her head banging on the ground, almost near death when the K Mart guy comes over and turns of the horse.
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2.A blonde walks into a electronic store and asks the manager, "Can I buy that TV"
"No"
"Why not?"
"Because your a blonde."
So the blonde goes out and dyes her hair red. She returned to the electronic store and said, "Can I buy that TV?"
"No"
"Why not?"
"Your a blonde."
So the blonde goes and shaves her hair off and returns to the electronic store and says, "Can I buy that TV?"
"No"
"Why not?"
"You're a blonde"
"How can you tell I'm a blonde, I dyed my hair red, then shaved it off!"
"Because that's not a TV, that's a microwave!"
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3.Once upon a time there was a blonde with long hair, blue eyes, she was sick of all the blonde jokes.

One day, she decided to get a make over, so she cut and dyed her hair.

She also went out and bought a new convertible.

She went driving down a country road and came across a herd of sheep.

She stopped and called the sheepherder over.

"That's a nice flock of sheep.", she said.

"Well thank you.", said the herder. "Tell you what. I have a proposition for you.", said the woman.

"Okay.", replied the herder.

"If I can guess the exact number of sheep in your flock, can I take one home?", asked the woman. "Sure.", said the sheepherder.

So, the girl sat up and looked at the herd for a second and then replied, "382".

"Wow.", said the herder. "That is exactly right.

Go ahead and pick out the sheep you want to take home."

So the woman went and picked one out and put it in her car.

Upon watching this, the herder approached the woman and offered, "Okay, now I have a proposition for you".

"What is it?", queried the woman.

"If I can guess the real color of your hair... can I have my dog back?"
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4.There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.

The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"

Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"

Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00

The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?"

Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.
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5.EXPLAINS A DUMB BLONDE/---------Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope.

Got excited because she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said "2 to 4 years"

Couldn't call 911 because there was no 11 on any phone button.

When asked what the capital of California was; answered "C".

Baked a turkey for 3 days because the instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighed 125.

After losing in a breast stroke swimming competition, complained that the other swimmers were using their arms.
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6.A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox and again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, â€œIs something wrong?â€

To which she replied, â€œThere certainly is!â€

My stupid computer keeps saying, â€œYouâ€™ve got mail!â€
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7.A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana.

She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"

The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!"

Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.

Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, when he spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand.

Just then, he saw a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She took aim, killed the creature, and with a great deal of effort hauled it on to the swamp bank.

Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watched in amazement.

Just then the blonde flipped the alligator on its back. Frustrated, she shouts out, "*bleep* it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"
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8.Two blondes lock thier keys in the car. One of the blondes tries to break into the car while the the other one watches.

Finally the first blonde says "Darn, I can't get in the car!" The other blond replies, "keep trying, it looks like it is going to rain and the top is down
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9.A blonde woman was having financial troubles so she decided to
kidnap a child and demand a ransom. She went to a local park,
grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote this
note. "I have kidnapped your child. I am sorry to do this but I
need the money. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the
big oak tree in the park at 7 AM." Signed, "The Blonde".
She pinned the note inside the little boy's jacket and told him
to go straight home. The next morning, she returned to the park
to find the $10,000 in a brown bag behind the big oak tree, just
as she had instructed.
Inside the bag was the following note. "Here is your money. I
cannot believe that one blonde would do this to another."

Ember · May 22, 2007 6:30 PM

any more people, got some good ones!

mirror_lion · May 22, 2007 6:56 PM

im out for right now

Ember · May 22, 2007 7:18 PM

heres a spyro one:
spyro was walking through avalar said hey to hunter hi to bianca and continued his stroll when ember appeared he said hi-ya! and she went flying!no he didnt kick her she thought if he paid no attention to her it meant he liked her so when he spoke to her she flew away and said boys are scary!
its not very good coz i maade it up as i typed

mirror_lion · May 22, 2007 7:24 PM

at leastyou tried i got mine from a book

DanteAndVergil · May 22, 2007 7:27 PM

i would post mine but they are adult humour so they would be unacceptable here sad

mirror_lion · May 22, 2007 7:32 PM

to bad, i love adult humor(not in a bad way)

Ember · May 24, 2007 11:24 AM

any more? come on people!

Ember · May 25, 2007 12:44 PM

what about this:
what do you get if u cross spyro and ember?
nothing. the real spyro keeps out of embers way!

#1 May 20, 2007 11:04 AM

Funny Jokes!Keep 'em comin'!

#2 May 20, 2007 1:47 PM

Re: Funny Jokes!Keep 'em comin'!

#3 May 21, 2007 4:06 PM

Re: Funny Jokes!Keep 'em comin'!

#4 May 21, 2007 9:44 PM

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#5 May 21, 2007 11:10 PM

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#6 May 22, 2007 12:11 AM

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#7 May 22, 2007 2:45 PM

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#8 May 22, 2007 3:21 PM

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#9 May 22, 2007 6:30 PM

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#10 May 22, 2007 6:56 PM

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#11 May 22, 2007 7:18 PM

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#12 May 22, 2007 7:24 PM

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#13 May 22, 2007 7:27 PM

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#14 May 22, 2007 7:32 PM

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#15 May 24, 2007 11:24 AM

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#16 May 25, 2007 12:44 PM

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