#1 Apr 11, 2007 12:17 AM

Chee Chee

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From: In a pool. Ahhhhh, much better

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Spirits in the Wind Online Book-Part 1

TB

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From: Beast Makers' Swamp AKA Florid

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Re: Spirits in the Wind Online Book-Part 1

Friendly Tips From Your Friendly Neighbor!=)

Note: I am not trying to insult you in any way. This is just constructive criticism to make your story better.

I like your idea and concept but two things...

I think your way of writing is a little too rushed. All your dialouge is mashed into one paragraph and you don't seem to take time to elaborate on things. Try describing stuff more throughly before rushing on to something else. All I got from this was a dragon wants to get some crystals at some competition, ends up talking to another dragon about a dark dragon hiding them, and then that's it. Explain what the dragon was practicing on. Was it a tree, a straw dummy, or maybe even a rotten Gnorc corpse smoldering from a day's hard work of practicing? Try to write with full details and emotion and you will make a truely good story.
~The Burninator

Also, wouldn't this be more appropriate in the Fan Fiction Forum?

The Chickmagnet

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Re: Spirits in the Wind Online Book-Part 1

pretty cool
so far!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LoneKnight

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Re: Spirits in the Wind Online Book-Part 1

I was originally going to write an elaborate story for him, but he ran off into the mist and there you have what he made. I'm still around to make that story for you if you ever get around to telling me what you want.

Chee Chee

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Re: Spirits in the Wind Online Book-Part 1