DPX's book...hopefuly it will be a novel...

dragon protector x · Jul 14, 2008 4:04 AM

Well i was deciding to do this or not, but i decided i would....Its kind of a mature book some swearing so be warned and some talk of blood... I want your opinions after each chapter and all... Because i am excited about it and want feed back <D this is hopfuly going to be my career.

The name of this book is going to be: "Demon Kingdom: Return of the Riders"

oh yea and my copyright thingy at bottom...

Prolog

Blood dripped from two identical daggers. They looked as if they were freshly sharpened. At the end of the handles there were small metal dragonheads with their mouths open with the blades to the dagger coming out of them. The fresh blood had not hit them. Who was holding the daggers was a young female with short hair as black as night. Her eyes were dark brown. She was in a dark blue suit that seemed to clutch to her body. She looked down at the now lifeless soldiers at her feet with their blood still dripping from her daggers...:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

She was in a hallway leading to a distant room. There was no blood on the walls from the soldiers; in fact the walls were as white as if some one had just washed them. There were small torches along these walls that barley let off enough light to see. Below her was a rug. The rug was red with golden designs woven in to it. The fresh blood was turning the rug a much darker red. The lifeless soldiers were wearing dark red armor, almost the same red as their blood. They wore coifs over their heads so all that was showing was their cold expressionless faces. Next to one of them was a sword with a bright green emerald shining at its hilt. Next to the other soldier was a long staff with a very sharp spike on it.

The woman blinked once at her victims then smiled. She looked up towards the distant room that was light by an either a very large torch or a fire place. Once she looked in to the light room her smile left to an expression that imitated the dead below her. She looked to the corner of her eye with out turning her head and listened. When she heard nothing, she bent down and wiped the blood of the soldiers on their corpses. She bent back up and started to walk towards the room.

When she reached the door she propped her self against the wall. She looked down the hallway were the bodies lay then back towards the door. She leaned out towards the door and looked inside.

Inside the room there was a table with a bunch of papers scattered all over it and a large candle stand with lots of candles on it at the far left corner. Under the table there is a very large rug. It had the same designs as the rug in the hall. Beyond the table was a fireplace. There were fresh new logs that were just starting to catch fire. Above the fireplace was a portrait or a man in full armor with his arm extending out holding a sword. The sword was beautiful. At the bottom of its hilt clung a sapphire. The hilt itself was in blue wrapping as dark as the sapphire. The blade was just perfect for a great war. The man was not standing, but sitting in a saddle that was mounted on a dragon. The dragon seemed to be young. It had scales as dark blue as the sapphire on the mans sword.

The woman looked right around the corner of the wall and saw a large bookshelf filled with books. The woman seemed impressed for a moment before turning back to a blank face. She then looked to the left. She saw a large oak cabinet. The cabinet could hold many things such as coats, armor, weapons, more books, or cloths. Next to the cabinet was a chair. The chair was pushed away from a door that was once keeping it shut.

The woman pushed off the wall and walked quietly towards the other door. Once in front of it the quietly slide one of her daggers into its sheath. She reached out and grabbed the handle to the door and opened it slowly. She leaned against the wall and pushed the door open. She drew her dagger and walked into the next room.

Inside there was a wooden chair with a horrified man sitting in it. The woman looked the man in the eyes and smiled. The man shaking with fear pleaded, "Please don't kill me! Please! I have done nothing wrong! Spare me! Oh please Ziatha don't kill me."

The woman stopped smiling. "I know you didn't do anything wrong. I've just come to get some information out of you," said Ziatha.

"I'll tell you every thing you want! If you do please let me live," cried the shaking man.

Ziatha put her daggers away and smiled. "I want you to tell me were the tomb of the last dragon rider is."

"What do you want from there? There isn't anything worth taking!" cried the man.

"You know *bleep* well what is down there, Dyro."

"Ok, I'm sorry. Please tell me what you plan to do with the dragon eggs, Ziatha. Please tell me you wont give them to the king or destroy them. Promise me Ziatha," Dyro whimpered.

Ziatha shock her head in disbelief. "Dyro, Dyro, Dyro. You don't think I killed those soldiers out there just to get the information to where the last dragon eggs are just to destroy them or give the to the king? I would rather be a peasant like you pleading for my life then work for the king. I'm not going to destroy the remaining dragon eggs either. Only a complete mad man like the king would do that. No, I'm going to take the eggs and give them to the ones who will become new dragon riders."

Dyro relaxed a little in his chair. He was not crying anymore. He was still distant of Ziatha, for he feared her much. She was the last person you would want questioning you. Dyro looked down at the floor and muttered just loud enough for Ziatha to her, "I'm sorry for mistaking you as a servant to the king. If you say is true then I will help. But if I am wrong, may my soul find forgiveness." Dyro stood up and walked out of the small room. He keep on eye on Ziatha's daggers. He walked over to the desk covered with papers and sorted threw them.

Ziatha walk over to the other to the door she first came threw and shut it. She grabbed the only chair in that room and put it against that door. She looked back towards Dyro and put her daggers away. She walked slowly towards the desk and stopped just before it and looked and Dyro with calm eyes. Dyro could feel Ziatha looking at him and he froze for a minute. He quickened his looking pace until he came a crossed a map.

"Here it is. I'll mark were the tomb is and on the back of the map ill write what you have to do to get in and the dangers of the place," Dyro muttered while reaching for a glass of ink.

"Dangers? What kind of dangers?" asked Ziatha curiously?

Dyro sighed. "Well, when the tomb was built, the builders wanted to make it so that no one can disturb the riders grave. The whole tomb is like a trial. They made it so that only the mightiest and the bravest will make it threw. Many have tried and the farthest they have gotten was the last room before the grave. No one has ever gotten past the last trap. The elves named it the tomb Trid ot soules, which means Tomb of Endings."

Ziatha went in to deep thought. "That sounds like a challenge. Do you know all the traps?"

"Aye. There be four, which represents the last four eggs. The first has something to do with crossing a pit filled with spikes. The second you must doge fire. Third you have to cut four objects to stop the room from filling with water. The lastâ€¦no one could figure out what the object of it was."

"Sounds fun. Had me the map and ill be off. One more thing, don't be telling any one I was here," Ziatha said taking the map and walking towards the door.

"I swear on the pain of death I wont."

"Good boy," Ziatha said before disappearing in to the shadows of the hallway.

Trevor Rowe

DarkMaster · Jul 14, 2008 5:00 AM

wow its...umm....errr good really good, but i think you need to work on the beginning you need to make it so it will hook the reader into reading on and on.

So all in all its very good, but you need to work on hooking the reader into reading the rest big_smile

well done DPX big_smile

Fletch_Talon · Jul 14, 2008 5:11 AM

The concept sounds alright, however it might start sounding familiar if the "last four eggs" turn out to be dragon eggs and 4 people are chosen by destiny to ride the dragons etc. but some ideas are good however many times you hear them.

I have to say you've got a pretty good grasp of describing a scene, which is very important in fantasy, I would however work on replacing some repeated words like

"rug was red with golden designs woven in to it. The fresh blood was turning the rug a much darker red. The lifeless soldiers were wearing dark red armor, almost the same red as their blood."

instead try

"rug was dyed red with golden designs woven in to it. However freshly spilt blood was turning it a much darker shade. The bodies of the soldiers were also clad in red, their armour almost matching the blood seeping from their fatal wounds."

Just an example, you can use it if you want but there are tonnes of ways you can say the same thing without using the word red so much. Repetition can be effective but i personally would save it for words with more impact.

In saying that I'm not a published author and my opinion doesnt represent the "truth" as such (especially since i only skimmed through it rather quickly), do your own thing, pass it around, see what everyone thinks, thats the best way to improve.

dragon protector x · Jul 14, 2008 5:22 AM

Yea true about the eggs...but what the legend didnt tell was there were fakes. And alot of them. Only those who have their soul connected to the dragons before they were born can find the correct eggs...and im not going to say any more before i ruin it.

I know i need it edited a little more....but iv got the concept down on it. Ill post chapter 1 later after a few more comments.

BlueSpirit94 · Jul 14, 2008 12:34 PM

two words: absolutely great! I love it. I wish I could write like that. I love to write stories but when I go back and read them, the words just don't flow. Have any tips for me on what i could do to improve, cause your writing is great

dragon protector x · Jul 14, 2008 7:05 PM

Well when i typed that i was like tired and felt like typeing...So i typed and typed....untill my parents inturupted me thats what i had written and i started a chapter one. i am currently going to start chapter 4 later...but ill put Chapter 1 up in a while.

My tip is prolly...find they story inside you. The adventure that you always wanted. Thats what im typeing. in the story/ adventure inside me.

DragonFireOKN · Jul 15, 2008 2:31 AM

Very nice. I'm putting the finishing touches on my novel right now. It's around 400 pages at the moment.

dragon protector x · Jul 15, 2008 2:38 AM

YOu seriusly have that long of a book?

off topic: nice dino...looks like a yoshi XD

DragonFireOKN · Jul 15, 2008 4:12 AM

Off: Thanks.

On: Yeah, I have.

dragon protector x · Jul 15, 2008 4:37 AM

I wana read it <D

Are you getting it published? Cuse if you get it published ill buy it <D

Reivan · Jul 15, 2008 5:52 AM

im writing a book at the mo'. no its not my fanfic thing cause i stuffed those up, but this is good. i might post it on here if i feel like it. its all about trial and error you know. just keep trying!

dragon protector x · Jul 15, 2008 6:02 AM

Yep Once this thread hits 15 comments...ima add Chapter 1...that one i know is to short...and needs reviving...and yea...Comments on how to make it better.

DragonFireOKN · Jul 15, 2008 4:11 PM

dragon protector x wrote:

I wana read it <D
Are you getting it published? Cuse if you get it published ill buy it <D

Not sure yet. It takes years to get a book published and tons of money. I'm taking college level classes so I have lots and lots of work.

Rurikredwolf · Jul 15, 2008 4:20 PM

I've begun my book. Though it is a horror/fantasy genre...

dragon protector x · Jul 16, 2008 4:18 AM

here is the next chapter

Brothers

1

The suns light is but beginning to appear as two boys walk out of their small house. The two boys are brothers that look almost alike. They were both 15. Drake and Josh. Both of the boy's hair is black and their eyes brown. They both live in a small house with their mother not to far from the town of Devlel. They are not to rich or to poor. They are sort of in the middle. The imperial army was beginning to recruit men for the army. The boys have been thinking of joining the army, but their mother wont let them. Fighting with swords is something the boys have always dreamed of. The closest they have ever gotten was with sticks.

Drake and Josh walked out to the woods right next to their house and pick up their sparing sticks. They both looked over their fake weapons to see if they would not brake while fighting. They both started to stretch before they fought each other so they wouldn't hurt themselves. Josh reached out with his stick ready to fight. Drake reacted the same way. They stood still watching each other for some sort of movement. Minutes seemed to pass by as both boys waited for each other to give and strike first. A crow streaked in the distance and Drake turned his eyes in the direction he heard the shriek, still watching his brother out of the corner of his eye.

Josh spun around and tried to strike Drake in the side, but Drake blocked him. Drake Leaped backwards knocking Josh's stick away from him. Josh attempted to stab Drake but failed. Drake parried to Josh's left swinging his stick at Joshes side, but Josh jumped to the right evading his brother's swing.

"*bleep*," Drake said in a low voice.

"What's wrong bro? Can't hit me?" Josh asked Drake tauntingly.

"Oh, I'll get you," Drake replied with a little laugh.

Josh found a stump of a tree and jumped onto it and pointed the end of his stick towards Drake. Drake growled and lunged forward and barely missed his brother's shin. Josh jumped off the stump to dodge Drakes slash. While jumping down Josh swung down wards towards Drakes shoulder but Drake raised his stick and blocked it. The two sticks snapped on impact sending splinters every wear. Both boys covered their eyes as splitters of theirs sticks shot stuck and cut in their arms. Both boys dropped their remainder of their weapons to tend to their wounds. As they pulled the little pieces of wood out of their arms they heard shuffling. Josh pulled the last piece of wood out of his wrist and listened. Drake yanked a bigger sized splinter out and ignored the sound.

"Drake, listen," Josh, whispered.

"Bro, it could be a deer. Nothing surprising about that," Drake whispered back while pulling the last piece of little wood out of his arm.

"That isn't the sound of a deer walking in leaves. It's the sound of a person. Some one is out there watching us," Josh whispered back in a scared voice.

Drake slowed his breathing and listened. The shuffling seemed to quicken then stop. Drake looked around and couldn't see anything. Just as he was turning back to look at Josh he saw a shadow of a person behind a tree. They didn't look very tall. In fact the shadow made the person look almost the size of a dwarf or a hobbit. Drake poked Josh in the shoulder and pointed to the shadow. Josh squinted his eyes and finally saw the shadow. Drake picked up the splintered stick and ushered Josh to follow him. Josh grabbed his stick and followed silently. Slowly as they approached they readied to attack as a small person jumped out from behind the tree with a small bow in his had ready to shoot who ever attack first. The person had long dark brown hair with a long dark brown beard. His eyes were the color as his hair. He was about three and a half feet tall and had a red tunic on. He had long black hair.

"Drop yourâ€¦" The small man stopped talking and looked at the sticks in the boy's hands. The little man started to giggle then cried out loud with laughter.

"Who are you and what are you laughing at?" Drake asked with his stick ready to attack. Josh lowered his stick and looked at the small man.

"Drake, I think this little guy is a hobbit," Josh whispered into his brother's ear.

The man stopped laughing and looked at the two of them with anger. "Hobbit? I aint no Hobbit! I'm a Dwarf. Not a gnome or a hobbit. A dwarf," the man said. "What I was laughing at was you little guys were going to attack me with sticks. Now that was funny. Instead of running away you would rather try and kill some one who is armed, with sticks? Didn't your father drive any common scene into your heads?" said the dwarf taunting them.

The boy's looked at each other with gloomy eyes.

"What's wrong?" asked the dwarf.

"Well we never really meet our father. We really don't know much about him. He was sent off to war and died," Josh said with no expression.

The dwarf looked down at his bow and said, "Well I'm sorry to hear 'bout 'dat. I'm Frad."

"This here is my brother Josh, and I'm Drake," Drake said to Frad pointing to his brother then himself.

Frad nodded to both of them then asked, "What do you boys do out here?"

"We practice sword fighting," Josh said excitedly.

"With what, those little twigs? Ha!" Frad laughed once. "Practicing with twigs wont do *bleep* for you in a battle with real swords."

The boy's looked at the ground ashamed. Frad just shook his head and put his bow over his shoulder and stuck it in his quiver.

"Well what were you doing out here?" asked Josh.

"Me? Well there is a rumor that a woman named Ziatha who is very dangerous is out doing some things that she shouldn't do, so I was hoping to go and kill her to get the reward money. I thought she was out here but it was just you two," Frad said with a disappointed voice.

"Hey why don't you come to our house and have dinner with us to make up for the false hope we gave you?" Drake said.

Frad looked down at his small boots and thought. After a while he looked up and nodded. Drake and Josh lead him back to their house. Josh ran ahead and told his mom about having a guest.

On the way back Drake asked Frad, "What did Ziatha do to get into so much trouble?"

Frad look down for a while before replying, "Well to begin she insulted the king, she refused to be arrested, and she committed high treason. Shall I go on?"

"No that's enough. I was just wondering what do you think of the king?" Drake asked

"Me personally, I think he's gone bloody mad! What about you?"

"Well he has done some dumb things. He may be a little insane."

The dwarf looked the Drakes arm and asked, "What in Gods name happened to your arm? It's bleeding like some one stabbed you."

Drake smiled a little and replied, "Our sparing sticks splintered on us when we hit them together to hard."

The dwarf shook his head. They got back to the house and their mother was out side waiting. When they got to the front door Frad said, " Good evening ma'am."

The boy's mother smiled and replied, "Good evening master dwarf. I'm terribly sorry that my boy's have bothered you."

"No, it's quit alright. Actually I was walking around and found them out in the woods," Frad said.

"Please, please come in. Dinner is ready," the boys' mom ushered the dwarf into the house and pulled a seat out for him.

That night they ate chicken legs, Frad's favorite. That night they talked about what's been going on in the world and before Frad picked up his quiver and bow to leave after thanking the boys' mom, their mom asked him to please stay the night. He tried to refuse, but she told him it's to dark to travel anywhere now. So Frad stayed the night. The next morning Frad stayed a while longer and taught the boys how to fight with real swords. Frad kept two dwarf sized swords with him just in case. He instructed them in the ways that he learned from his father and his dwarven teachers. They practiced in the woods away from the house so their mom could clean up.

After about four hours of fighting the boys stuck the swords in the ground and took a break. Frad told them on how they were doing when a scream from the house came echoing threw the woods. The boys looked at each other then at Frad. He nodded to give them the permission to fight what ever is at the house with his swords. The boys pulled the blades out of the ground and ran towards the house with Frad to far behind them. Dodging trees on the way back they heard an explosion and fear struck them. When they emerged from the woods end shock stuck them. Three men in black cloaks stood in front of their now destroyed home. Frad finally stopped next to them and looked in horror at the house's remains.

"Our home! Mom!" Drake cried.

"Those sons of a *bleep*, I'll kill them all!" Josh rushed towards them. Drake followed with Frad notching an arrow in his bow.

The three shaded men looked their way. Two of them reached out and grabbed their hoods and pulled them off showing that they had no flesh, all that was there was skulls. The boy's froze in their spots with fear. The two skeletons walked towards them drawing their blades as an arrow whizzed by Drake's head and shattered one of the skeletons head. The skeleton dropped its sword and didn't move. The third one raised its hand to its face and started muttering something. Josh blinked and shook his head and swung his sword. It collided with the skeletons blade shooting sparks. Drake come to his scenes and ran to the muttering skeleton. Be for he could cut the skeletons head off the skeleton flung his hand out and stopped muttering to himself. A large stone lifted off of the ground and shot towards Drake. Drake tried to fend it off with his sword but he missed. The stone struck him in his chin making a cracking sound. Drake dropped to the ground in pain as Josh jumped next to him. Frad notched another arrow and shot the skeleton that sent the stone into Drakes chin in the head, causing its head to shatter.

Josh remembered one of the things that Frad taught him. Josh bent down fast and picked Drakes sword up. The last skeleton swung for Josh's head but Josh fended him off. Josh stuck Drakes blade into the skeletons gut He stepped on to the blade and leaped up. The skeleton looked up into the air and watched Josh finish him off. Josh turned his blade to point down. When he fell he stabbed the blade threw the skeletons head clear until it could go any farther. He landed with a thump, but turned fast enough to kick the skeleton in the back to knock him over.

Frad came running over to Drake to see how bad he was injured. Frad put stuck two fingers in the air and put them by his lips. He muttered a few words and then touched Drakes broken check bone. Bright white light radiated from Frad's hand as Drake started to feel better.

"What are you doing?" asked Josh.

"Healing him. I mended his bone back together," Frad said.

Josh was amazed. Frad, the dwarf knows magic. "Can you teach me how to do that?"

"You are not yet ready to use magic this strong. It will kill you," Frad said.

Josh looked at Drake with a worried look on his face. Drake looked over to Frad and then to Josh before blacking out. Josh quickly looked at the dwarf with even more worry.

"The pain must have made him faint. Not ever day you guys have Skeleton mages after you, huh?" Frad joked.

Frad sat in front of Drake and was thinking on how him and Josh could move Drake while he's passed out. Frad thought for along time before getting two large sticks to have Josh and him tie Drake to the sticks and dragged him to the forest were they would make camp. There they untied Drake and rolled him over into some blankets and covered him up so he would stay warm during the night. Josh looked at his brother with concern.

Frad saw that look in his eye and said, "He'll be alright. He took a hard hit. We should be safe here for the night. By tomorrow we will have more then skeleton mages out here looking for you guys. Hopefully your brother will wake before then. The sooner we are out of here the better."

Frad got up and left to get some firewood. When he got back Josh was fast asleep in his sheets with the dwarf-sized sword next to him. Frad thought Poor kids. They will have to travel with me until I find them a nice place to stay. At least I will be able to break them into moving. Maybe I could have them help me! Yes if they can help me track down Ziatha then they would get a reward to. But what if they are wanted? I will think on this more tomorrow. What my main concern right now is why those skeleton mages were after them and who could have summoned them. Its not every day I get to see the dead raise again but under some one else's control. Frad notched his bow and leaned against a tree. The only sound that could be heard was the singing of crickets and the crackle of the fire.

Drake woke to the sound of singing. It was still night from what he could tell. Drake guessed it was Frad singing because he could hear his brother Josh snoring loudly.

Dwarven men, say good-bye

For in this war, you may surly die.

Knot your bows, sharpen your axe!

For war has rose, and we must fight back!

Drake thought to himself about what had happened before he passed out. He winced when he felt his cheek. Pain still throbbed fresh from his mended bone.

With a dragons blessing may you survive

Without it you would surly die!

Drake thought of this battle. Dwarven men fighting to protect there loved ones. The thought of fame and glory raced in his mind. The sick thoughts of gore and blood flooded the happy thoughts.

Flesh on stone, and metal in blood

You are dead, and the enemy has won.

Killing is a sin, not to be forgiven

Especially for those who's favor goes to rotten with betrayal.

Violent images raced threw Drakes mind. He couldn't stand it any more. Drake sat up and asked loudly, "Why do you sing of such violence?"

Frad still looking at the fire with a little grin. "Why you ask? Well us dwarfs have had a very sad history. He have had many battles. We have lost many wars. We used to rule this land until the elves and you humans traveled from that unknown land."

"It sure sounds like a sad history," Drake replied with remorse.

"Aye! We have lost many that we have loved and cities that we lived in. I myself am not that old. I am only 176 and still young. My father is only 810! He has seen many more wars then you can imagine boy." Frad's red tunic seemed to be shining in the light of the fire. His long black hair shimmered when he shock his head. For the first time Drake noticed a large dagger hanging on the back of his hip.

"That's a fine knife you have there," Drake said with some amusement.

"Aye, it is. Was a gift from my young daughter. She said she bought it not to long before I decided to leave and hunt down this traitor." Frad looked over at Drake for a while. "I have decided that you guys will come with me. We will look for my old friend Dyro. From there he will help you find a new home. You boys travel much?"

"Not no far. We went to Draford to get some farming tools fixed. Josh and me kinda broke them by fighting each other."

"Draford! That's not but two miles!" Frad exclaimed. Josh snorted and rolled over. Frad looked at him for a moment before looking back at Drake. "We will be walking much more then that. The road is very dangerous. You boys best hold onto them swords. I think we will hit at least one fight with some sort of fiend. Get some rest. You will need it tomorrow. Josh was really worried about you."

"But before we leave what about my mom. What of her? Shouldn't we burry her?" Drake questioned.

Frad looked at the fire in deep thought. Minutes went by before he turned back to Drake. "If it's that important to you that she gets a proper burial then we will have to do that first thing in the morning. But for now its best to stay here. Who knows what is out by your house?" Frad nodded towards Drakes sheets. "Go now, get some sleep. We have lots of walking to do."

After that Drake rolled over and closed his eyes. Not long before he fell into deep sleep.

"Hello!" yelled a young female's voice.

"Ummmm, Hi," Drake said not knowing were it came from.

Drake was still sleeping, he knew that much for sure. He was standing in darkness. He couldn't see anything. The female voice seemed to have sounded right in front of him. He reached out to grab only but air. Drake grunted to himself with a little anger.

"So when will you come for me?" said the voice.

"Come forâ€¦what?" Drake questioned the voice.

"You heard me. When will you come for me?" it said again.

"I don't know what you are talking about. Please who are you?" Drake asked twisting around trying to see who was asking him. He twisted around and around but couldn't see because of the darkness.

"You will find me in the labyrinth! Te-he, I am your guardian and you are mine!" the voice giggled.

Drake was some what amused by this. He thought to himself This is one weird dream. I have never heard of this voice before. It sounds like a young girl. Drake asked out, "Who are you? What is your name?"

"What every you will call me, Te-he!" the voice giggled again.

Drake frowned. "Well could you at least let me see you?"

"I'm in the labyrinth you will see me there," the voice teased.

"Why would I go into a labyrinth?" questioned Drake.

"To get me!" the voice giggled.

Drake was puzzled. Who would be waiting for me in a labyrinth? This is just some normal messed up dream. Drake tried to wake himself up but it was no good. Why can't I wake up?

"Well you will be glad to see me! I have a very pretty skin!"

Drake grunted with annoyance. "Why are you here bothering me? Why can't I dream of something different," Drake muttered.

"Dream?" questioned the voice. "You are not dreaming silly, we are talking!"

"Talking? I don't even know you. You are just part of my dream. I want to dream of adventure and glory! Why cant I?" Drake asked with sadness.

"You will get to know me well my rider! Plus, you life will soon become our adventure! Te-he!" it giggled.

Drake was in shock. What does it mean 'Our adventure'? This is one weird dream. And what does it mean rider? What is this that I'm talking to, a horse? Drake felt a shove. He quickly reached around and grasped a hand on his shoulder. "Ha! I got you know!"

"That's not me silly! Well our talk is over now. I'll see you again soon! Te-he!" it giggled one last time.

Drake pulled onto the hand and suddenly light shot out and he was awake. Looking at the barley light sky, he felt some one shake him. He looked over and it was Josh. Josh looked at him and smiled, "Your awake!"

Drake looked back at the sky. He thought all about what the voice had said. He decided it was just another dream and that he should move on. Drake sat up and looked around. Frad was gone and Josh was already packed with what little he could find at what remained of the house. Drake looked at the ashes of the fire then back to Josh

"Sorry bro to have given you such a scare. I don't know what happened after I got hit. Don't remember much," Drake said.

"It's ok. Brothers from berth to earth," Josh said. And after that they pounded each other's knuckles together. "Well get up and we will go and burry mom. We can't just leave her laying there."

Drake got up and walked to the edge of the forest and looked at the burned down house. He spotted Frad digging a hole. Drake walked down to Frad and looked at the hole he dug up. Frad looked at Drake with questioning eyes. Drake nodded and they ushered Josh to come over. All three of them carried the boy's mother over to the hole and laid her down softly. Once they climbed out of the hole they looked down at her and said a prayer. Once they all finished, Frad started to cover their mother's corpse in dirt. Once she was completely buried Drake stabbed a small chunk of wood in the ground above the grave and etched in the word Mom. He stood back up and looked at the small grave for their mother. Minutes passed as they stood there with tears flowing out of their eyes. Frad couldn't keep from tearing up himself. After a long moment of silence, Frad patted both of the boy's on the arm and walked off back to the little camp.

Josh looked up at Drake and nodded and walked off. Drake was left standing there alone. Then he thought to himself yes. This is the beginning of my adventure. That voice got one thing right. I will soon set off on an adventure. He tried to turn and walk off but couldn't. He just stayed there. Moments passed by until Frad and Josh came back to get him. Josh handed Drake a backpack filled with what remained of his things from the house. He then handed Drake the dwarf-sized sword were he tied on silently. The three adventurous stood there and looked at the grave one last time. At least one tear was in each of their eyes. Nodding to one another, they turned around and looked at the rising sun. Drake took the first step and started off. Frad followed. Josh looked behind him self and muttered, "Good-bye mother. Let your soul find rest. For we will be safe." Josh then walked off into the rising sun. Their Journey has now begun.

Trevor Rowe

Fletch_Talon · Jul 16, 2008 11:50 AM

DragonFireOKN wrote:

dragon protector x wrote:
I wana read it <D
Are you getting it published? Cuse if you get it published ill buy it <D
Not sure yet. It takes years to get a book published and tons of money. I'm taking college level classes so I have lots and lots of work.

how does that work?

im not qestioning your opinion cuz i dont really know how it all works, i was of the impression that you sent a sample to a publisher, if they like it you send the whole thing, if they still like it it gets editted and gets published, the publishers then get their money as a percentage of the book's selling price

unless you were talkiing about self publishing

DragonFireOKN · Jul 16, 2008 3:37 PM

Fletch_Talon wrote:

DragonFireOKN wrote:
dragon protector x wrote:
I wana read it <D
Are you getting it published? Cuse if you get it published ill buy it <D
Not sure yet. It takes years to get a book published and tons of money. I'm taking college level classes so I have lots and lots of work.
how does that work?
im not qestioning your opinion cuz i dont really know how it all works, i was of the impression that you sent a sample to a publisher, if they like it you send the whole thing, if they still like it it gets editted and gets published, the publishers then get their money as a percentage of the book's selling price
unless you were talkiing about self publishing

The problem is getting people to look at your work. 97% of work sent in to publishing companies don't even get looked at. They just throw them away. You have to hire an agent that costs thousands of dollars to convince the publisher to consider your novel. It takes years to find the correct company. It's not easy.

CynderRules · Jul 16, 2008 4:07 PM

wow, everywhere I go I see people writing books! ^^ Well it does seem interesting, I only skimmed your first post. Sorry, it's just I don't like to read really long things on the net, try to keep my eyes healthy and all. But just remember the classic "show, don't tell" rule. Meaning, load that baby up with adjectives! ^^

dragon protector x · Jul 16, 2008 4:36 PM

In other words if you want to have a book published you have to be noticed. Like if you get a book published then you can start shoveing older one you made, but you have to be noticed before you get any of them published.

bmah · Jul 16, 2008 5:16 PM

Don't forget to consider the cost of printing, depending on the number of copies you want to release. That becomes extremely expensive in itself.

DragonFireOKN · Jul 17, 2008 1:12 AM

The only reason "Eragon" ever got published is because his parents owned a publishing company and they were rich so he could travel a lot.

Fletch_Talon · Jul 17, 2008 1:33 AM

bmah wrote:

Don't forget to consider the cost of printing, depending on the number of copies you want to release. That becomes extremely expensive in itself.

I'm not 100% sure thats a cost you cover yourself, unless youre self publishing the publisher that takes on your book covers printing costs, then thats probably included in their percentage of sales

thats an assumption anyway

as for having to buy an agent, whilst you may be right in saying a lot of submissions get rejected, but i dont really believ the 97% figure being not read at all, i personally don't think an agent is absolutely necessary, and the sites i just looked up now are saying similar things

also, again you dont need money because the agent like the publishers get their money as a percntage of the books sales

one site in fact said that agents who ask for money "straight up" are likely scam artists so just be careful

Adam Thurman · Jul 17, 2008 12:11 PM

Here is one thing that you should consider. I have read a lot of books on creative writing itself and became intuned with the basics. You should try and make the prologue as background information. I have nothing against prologues in fact i like to read the prologue of every book that i buy and even before i buy i look for a prologue but a lot have said that it is a little dangerous to have a prologue because it is not the main story and at the end of that chapter it goes into a different direction like all the other prologues do. Here is something I thought was interesting that is related;

Eragon has a prologue and in the second book it breaks off into three main characters Eragon, Roran, and islansdie if I even spelt those right. This is another thing that is risky in fact most of my friends advise most to skip those chapters but me I liked the way he made it but this is a fact that you cant please everyone so when you can please most by modifying it to go toward what everyone is interested in. When you try and send it off to a publisher it is really hard for most to have a letter come back that says that they wont publish the book. This is where people find self publishing a way out but it is really costly. When a book is getting published it is being corrected for errers and if you miss most of the errers than people are going to have a hard time reading it. You dont have to get rid of the prologue this is just advice. Good luck with your book

#1 Jul 14, 2008 4:04 AM

DPX's book...hopefuly it will be a novel...

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