A Twist of Fate

S240sx24 · Jan 11, 2010 12:24 AM

Wow great story so far nice beginning, very sad to what happened to spyro & poor cynder.

Nightfall · Jan 11, 2010 10:13 AM

I'm glad you like it. smile Thanks.

~cornys~ · Jan 12, 2010 1:57 AM

I guess this was the first bit of your's that I have read... as far as I remember it is.. Nice work...You style is much simpiler then mine.. but of course mine is rather complex... lol

I see that that is the end.. lol. don't expect too much responce from it here though... lol.. not a fan fiction group here..

Nice Work

S240sx24 · Jan 12, 2010 3:23 AM

oh this is just a chapter then, dang its pretty good, wish there was more to read.

Nightfall · Jan 12, 2010 10:01 AM

S240sx24 · Jan 12, 2010 4:41 PM

oh ok saphira, that be cool if u did more but thanks for the link

Aceedwin · Jan 18, 2010 6:12 PM

Pfft... It's always so difficult to judge single chapter stories, because I can't really judge the storyline. Let's think analytically. Firstly, the battle scene is worth half of this, so it should be pretty good, right? Except it wasn't. It was just your four getting the *bleep* kicked out of them. Your guys just jumped and then this Ulkna fellow ignored any attacks. No tension, you know? So not very good at all. I would have loved a paragraph or two with a simaltaneous attack with some properly good moves coming out of Ulkna, instead of just grab 'n' shake.

Characters, well, I liked how you did Cynder at the beginning, but not so much at the end. Maybe I'm asking too much in that department though. Spyro was fine. Ulkna was boring. As a few friends of mine would put it, "He was just some hench guy". Ophelia and Nemo hadn't enough screen time for me to need them to have any real personalities, or build an idea of what they were.

On the plus side, you can write the skin of a story, the description, the scenery, etc. You just need to fill it up with a few nice ideas, and nicer characters.

5/10, maybe 6/10.

Nightfall · Jan 18, 2010 10:04 PM

OK, thanks Ace. It was just a little short story that was inspired by the picture. But I will admit that I rushed it a little, especially towards the end. I might re-write it actually.

Nightfall · Feb 06, 2010 11:25 PM

Guys, I've re-written the second half of the story. I also plan to post more chapter. Please leave comments - I need them. smile

#1 Jan 09, 2010 9:19 PM

A Twist of Fate

#2 Jan 11, 2010 12:24 AM

Re: A Twist of Fate

#3 Jan 11, 2010 10:13 AM

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#4 Jan 12, 2010 1:57 AM

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#5 Jan 12, 2010 3:23 AM

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#6 Jan 12, 2010 10:01 AM

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#7 Jan 12, 2010 4:41 PM

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#8 Jan 18, 2010 6:12 PM

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#9 Jan 18, 2010 10:04 PM

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#10 Feb 06, 2010 11:25 PM

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