-----------

Three vampires go into a bar. The first one says, "I'll have a cup of human blood please."

The second one says, "Yeah, I'll have the same."

But the third one says, "I'll just have a cup of hot water please."

So the barman brings them their drinks. The first vampire says to the third one, "Why don't you want blood? Why water?"

The third vampire pulls out a used plaster and says, "I'm making tea."

------------

Second one:

------------

Two zebras were having a conversation one day. One says, "Are we white with black stripes or black with white stripes?"

The other one says, "I don't know. I'll pray to God and ask him."

So that night he prays to God and asks him the question, to which God replied, "You are what you are."

The next day, the zebras meet up again and he says, "I asked God and he just said "You are what you are." I still don't understand..."

The other zebra says, "Well we must be white with black stripes or else God would've said, "Yo is what yo are"."

A blonde and a brunette are walking, when the brunette says to the blonde, "I did a brazillion guy last night."
The blonde looks and says, "Omg, you're such a *bleep*! How many's a brazillion?"

Oh wait, yes I do:

A group of girls are on holiday when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.

The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."

So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.

The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.

They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain."

They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.

On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realise that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.

There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman.

LOL
I got this joke:
Why does the wind always go west to east in Wyoming?

Because Nebraska sucks and Idaho blows.

A group of girls are on holiday when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.

The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."

So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.

The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.

They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain."

They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.

On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realise that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.

There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman.

FBI Joke (as Drug refence...):

The phone rings at FBI headquarters. "Hello?"

"I'm calling to report my neighbor.
He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood."

"Thank you very much for the call, sir."

The  next day, FBI agents descend on the neighbor's house.
They search the shed where the firewood is kept.
Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana.
They swear at the neighbors and leave.

The phone rings at the neighbors house.
Hey, Adrian, did the FBI come?"

"Yep."

"Did they chop your firewood?"

"Yep."

"Great, now it's your turn to call. I need my garden plowed."

ROFL!  That's great!

I STILL haven't got any non-dirty jokes to tell. Sorry.  :-P

The phone rings at FBI headquarters. "Hello?"

"I'm calling to report my neighbor.
He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood."

"Thank you very much for the call, sir."

The  next day, FBI agents descend on the neighbor's house.
They search the shed where the firewood is kept.
Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana.
They swear at the neighbors and leave.

The phone rings at the neighbors house.
Hey, Adrian, did the FBI come?"

"Yep."

"Did they chop your firewood?"

"Yep."

"Great, now it's your turn to call. I need my garden plowed."

what do you say when you try to push alot of strawberrys into a small hole, but they get stuck? STRAWBERRY JAM!

bahah, thats funny.

what do you call a fish with no eyes? FSHHHH!!

LMAO!  Blade's were good too.

Haven't got a clean joke at the moment... sorry.  :-P

what do you call a fish with no eyes? FSHHHH!!

I was just having a conversation with someone who is about to buy a Mac.

I was against it and an argument started.

I said there were too few people supporting the Mac.

He responded, "When was the last time you heard of a virus on a Mac?"

And I said "See, even people who write viruses don't support Macs."
----------------------------------------
NEW Viruse:
Oprah Winfrey virus:
Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB and then slowly expands back to 200MB.

AT&T virus:
Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.

MCI virus:
Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus.

Politically Correct virus:
Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism."

Arnold Schwarzenegger virus:
Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.

Government Economist virus:
Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.

New World Order virus:
Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it.

Federal Bureaucrat virus:
Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer.

Texas virus:
Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.

Adam and Eve virus:
Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.

Congressional virus:
The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.

Airline virus:
You're in Dallas but your data is in Singapore.

Freudian virus:
Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying to its own motherboard.

Public Television virus:
Your programs stop every few minutes to ask for money.

Elvis virus:
Your computer gets fat, slow and lazy, then self destructs only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America.

Nike virus:
Just does it.

Congressional virus #2:
Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously, but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything.

Star Trek virus:
Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before.

Health Care virus:
Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and sends you a bill for $4,500.
----------------------------------------------
Disney Password
My kids love going to the Web, and they keep track of their passwords by writing them on Post-it notes.

I noticed their Disney password was "MickeyMinnieGoofyPluto," and asked why it was so long.

"Because," my son explained, "they say it has to have at least four characters."

One says to the other,*Sniff, sniff* "Do you smell carrots?"

i got another blonde joke:

How do you entatain a blonde with a sheet of paper?

Write P.T.O on each side!

LMAO. But let's not go too overboard - we don't wanna offend anyone. 

How do you entatain a blonde with a sheet of paper?

Write P.T.O on each side!