Friendly Tips From Your Friendly Neighbor!=)

Note: I am not trying to insult you in any way. This is just constructive criticism to make your story better.

I like your idea and concept but two things...

I think your way of writing is a little too rushed. All your dialouge is mashed into one paragraph and you don't seem to take time to elaborate on things. Try describing stuff more throughly before rushing on to something else. All I got from this was a dragon wants to get some crystals at some competition, ends up talking to another dragon about a dark dragon hiding them, and then that's it. Explain what the dragon was practicing on. Was it a tree, a straw dummy, or maybe even a rotten Gnorc corpse smoldering from a day's hard work of practicing? Try to write with full details and emotion and you will make a truely good story.
~The Burninator

Also, wouldn't this be more appropriate in the Fan Fiction Forum?

Ok. 

Note: I am not trying to insult you in any way. This is just constructive criticism to make your story better.

I like your idea and concept but two things...

I think your way of writing is a little too rushed. All your dialouge is mashed into one paragraph and you don't seem to take time to elaborate on things. Try describing stuff more throughly before rushing on to something else. All I got from this was a dragon wants to get some crystals at some competition, ends up talking to another dragon about a dark dragon hiding them, and then that's it. Explain what the dragon was practicing on. Was it a tree, a straw dummy, or maybe even a rotten Gnorc corpse smoldering from a day's hard work of practicing? Try to write with full details and emotion and you will make a truely good story.
~The Burninator

Also, wouldn't this be more appropriate in the Fan Fiction Forum?

   
    It all started when 3 eggs hatched. Then Dark Dragons took them and few across Dragon World to hide them. What's going to happen? Look and see!
    Lets go into the future when these dragons are teens......
"Fire Blast!" Starfire the Fire Dragon was working at her new powers. She hoped that she would win Power Crystals at contests. Then a Ice Dragon said, "Psssssttttt. Hey, you, ya you, come here!" "Who's, who's there?" Starfire was woried that it might be a Dark Dragon. But when the Ice Dragon appeared, she saw somthing that just looked like her mark on her head. It was a moon mark with a star in the middle. "Who, who, are you?" Starfire said. "Wait, you, you, look like I've seen you before." The Ice Dragon said. The Starfire said, "Aki?,..........AKI! Oh it has been a long time when I saw you!" They talked about the Dark Dragon hideing them. "Wait, was there another kid with us?"
   

The next short story is coming soon!
By: Chee Chee